(It's a long one, guys. Enjoy!)
Is it New Year's Eve again?! In that case, it's time for another party at Chez May! ;D
Now you know what happened last year.
You over-indulged...
...and you should know better.
But stuff it.
It's time to pig out again! To hell with the scales!
Choose a decent patch of grass in the yard for a marquee.
Check the internet for some practical joke ideas.
Pop down to the shops for supplies...
...but don't start moaning about fuel prices at this time of year.
Go the extra mile to make the place look a bit spesh...
...including flowers (the ladies will like that).
Ask your friends to bring a few drinks with them...
...if they can be trusted to do so without tampering with the goods...
...or you'll have to go out and get them yourself at the last minute, which will be very inconvenient.
Experiment with hairstyles.
Select the best wine.
Ensure the place is presentable. Various housework tasks will beckon, such as window cleaning...
...vacuuming...
...and attending to any of those unfinished home reno jobs that could put your guests' health at risk.
Check the security system.
Set up a pinata.
Invest in some garden lanterns...
...and a patio heater.
Ensure that the khazi's in good working order...
...or you may have to improvise.
It's all systems go!
Don't stress over late cancellations...
...or if no-one turns up on time.
Greet your guests when they do finally arrive...
...checking for gatecrashers...
...then welcome everyone officially.
Do your best to make sure that no-one feels left out...
...but if you can't be bothered, just stick with the in-crowd and let the loners sort themselves out.
Enlist a
smurf chef to handle the catering...
...so that you don't have to do all the rotten jobs...
...and organise everything...
...or slave away in the kitchen when you could be having fun.
It also means that you're not to blame if the food doesn't turn out the way you'd expect...
...and you won't risk getting lemon juice in your eye, either.
Be a hard taskmaster on the waiting staff...
...and make sure no-one goes hungry.
Start a game of darts.
Tell everyone about your latest holiday.
Wear a silly hat...
...or two.
Stoke the fire.
Start a game of Pin the Tail on the...actually, don't.
Come on, the party's only just started!
Who's for apple crumble?
On second thoughts...
"Where's that smurf??!!"
No booze = disaster. Always keep a back-up supply...
...even if the quality is a little...questionable.
Rev up the crowd outside.
Ensure the instruments are tuned.
Gather the band and give them a pep talk...
...and have a quick run-through before the real thing...
...and no matter what mistakes are made on stage, DON'T GIVE IT AWAY. If you make a mistake, just glare at one of the other band members.
Of course, there has to be fireworks.
But if it starts to rain...
...don't cry...
...because you can bring everyone inside...
...and the garden party can continue unhindered.
Have another beer...
...then you'll feel free enough to parade around a bit.
Take it a step further.
Join in on a game of Twister.
Have another quick pint...
...then start a burping competition...
...but don't take it any further than that.
Get a bit tipsy...
but don't go over the edge...
...in case you feel the effects the following day...
...or you do something you may later regret...
...or simply not be able to live up to expectations.
Swear loudly at the idiots across the street...
...and you may find yourself in a fight...
...or two...
...or three.
Sit around the campfire and reflect on the year that was.
Most importantly, have a laugh with your mates...
...or at them.
It's exhausting work, but it'll be worth it.
Happy New Year everyone! ;D