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Post by RedMoon11 on Feb 8, 2017 17:45:52 GMT
Let’s stop viewing Donald Trump as an Adolf Hitler clone with nylon hair
We need to sit the President down in an office when he comes over and do a trade deal (and that won't be easy if the streets are full of people protesting)BY JEREMY CLARKSON, SUN COLUMNIST 4th February 2017  ALL week, women with hairy armpits and men with face fuzz have been running about, waving their arms in the air and saying that the new President of America should not have been invited to Buckingham Palace for tea and buns.They’ve started a petition and, as I write, nearly two million students and trade union activists have signed it. They say that Mr Trump is divisive and that, because of him, there will be more climate change and more discrimination. (For further details, see The Guardian). Then you have Twitter, which has become a mile-long scroll of people queuing up to say they hate Donald. Followed by another mile long scroll of people saying they hate him even more. And at every single awards presentation these days, every single actor has the same message. “I’d like to thank the Academy and I hate Donald Trump.” All of this means that when the state visit does take place, it’s likely London’s streets will be an ugly jumble of silly placards and chanting, interspersed with loud cheering every time someone throws a chair through a McDonald’s window. What’s interesting, however, is that when the President of China came to London for a state visit recently, there wasn’t a murmur. He represents a country where you can be locked up and then lightly tortured for wearing the wrong T-shirt. Or even for talking to someone who’s wearing the wrong T-shirt. But this obviously doesn’t bother Britain’s lefties. Nor do they seem overly concerned about President Zuma of South Africa, who told his country recently that you can’t catch Aids if you have a shower after sex. Also, he used taxpayers’ money to build a gigantic swimming pool, which he claimed is actually a water storage facility for if his house catches fire. Then you have Australia. There, the government says the whole country is completely full (yeah, right) and that anyone attempting to get in illegally must be locked up in a detention camp. So is Gary Lineker jumping up and down outside Australia House in London? No. He is not. Nor is he outside the Russian Embassy, protesting about how its air force bombed babies in Syria, and how its missiles brought down a jetliner over what’s left of Ukraine. In Saudi Arabia, women can’t get health care or drive a car. But somehow, Ed Miliband and his merry band of loonies seem to think that Donald is a thousand times more offensive. Because he doesn’t believe in climate change. North Korea, The Democratic Republic of Congo, Burma, Eritrea, Sudan, Equatorial Guinea, Israel . . . The list of countries which don’t behave themselves goes on and on and on. But somehow, everyone’s got it into their heads that Donald Trump puts them all in the shade, that he is a nylon- haired combination of Idi Amin, Pol Pot and Hitler. I’ll grant you, he’s odd. But let’s not forget, shall we, that Britain is now set to leave the European Union. We need, therefore, to sit Trump down in an office when he comes over and do a trade deal. And that’s not going to be easy if there are a million Lily Allens outside the window calling him names and inviting him to eff off. Read more at www.thesun.co.uk/news/2782135/lets-stop-viewing-donald-trump-as-an-adolf-hitler-clone-with-nylon-hair/
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Post by RedMoon11 on Feb 11, 2017 16:17:15 GMT
The Tories haven’t ended the war on the motorist… they’ve made it nuclear
Sun columnist says traffic just keeps on getting worse and worse — which is bad for business, bad for the economy and bad for our nerves BY JEREMY CLARKSON, SUN COLUMNIST 10th February 2017  WHEN the Tories came to power they said they would end the war on the motorist.So they ripped up the M4 bus lane and announced plans for 112 major road improvement schemes that would unjam Britain’s bottlenecks. Whoopee, we all thought, as we headed for the polling station. But this week, it turned out that the cost of doing what they’d planned is £800million more than they actually have. Well, now I’m sorry but isn’t that a bit like someone saying to his wife, “I’m going to buy you a Tiffany diamond bracelet for Valentine’s Day”. And then noticing when he gets to the shop that he only has £4.25 in his bank account? The upshot is that we are unlikely to get a tunnel under Stonehenge, or a new dual carriageway north of Newcastle or improvements to the dreadful A27 on the south coast. Furthermore, the three people in Liverpool who voted Tory will be annoyed to hear there will now not be a new approach road to the docks. Strangely, however, there does seem to be plenty of money in the coffers to create many more so-called smart motorways. Though when they say “smart”, what they actually mean is “stupid”. Because what they do is lower the speed limit from 70 to 50 or even 40 if ridiculously sensitive sensors think the traffic is getting heavy. The cost of doing this on the M3 is £129million. And there was no problem finding the money to do that, was there? Nor do they seem to have any trouble getting funding to turn half of London into a series of cycle lanes that are NEVER used by cyclists. Or in erecting expensive average speed cameras on just about every road I ever use these days. They can also find the cash to massively subsidise rich people who want to buy an electric Tesla. And if they want to charge it up? Well, of course, the taxpayer can foot the bill for that too. The Tories haven’t ended the war on the motorist. They’ve made it nuclear. The traffic is worse than ever. Almost everyone I know has points on his or her licence. Arranging meetings is impossible because someone is always on a stupid speed awareness course. And the traffic just keeps on getting worse and worse. Which is bad for business, bad for the economy and bad for our nerves. Normal people have shown in the last 12 months that they are fed up with the standard, soundbite, promise much and deliver nothing politician. That’s why we have Brexit on this side of the Pond and Trump on the other. The people who run our roads would do well to remember that unless they buck their ideas up, their days are numbered. Read more at www.thesun.co.uk/news/2836903/the-tories-havent-ended-the-war-on-the-motorist-theyve-made-it-nuclear/
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Post by RedMoon11 on Mar 5, 2017 9:28:30 GMT
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Post by RedMoon11 on Mar 14, 2017 11:38:14 GMT
JEREMY CLARKSON I drone on about this, but newfangled health and safety nonsense puts a stop to having fun
From looking for people trapped in a burning building to finding stranded hikers, drones have so many uses, yet I bet it won't be long before the Government practically outlaws them By Jeremy Clarkson, Sun Columnist 10th March 2017  I’VE often argued that if the car were invented today, it’s highly unlikely that any government in the world would allow ordinary members of the public to drive one. They’d say it was far too complicated and far too dangerous and as a result, driving licences would only be issued to professionals like, say, the prime minister’s chauffeur. If you don’t believe me, look at what’s happening with drones . . . Drones are brilliant. They can be used by the fire service to look for people trapped in a burning building. Or by search and rescue teams to find stranded hikers. Or by the Air Force to blow up a terrorist’s pick-up truck. Soon, they will be used to deliver your groceries and already you can use them to spy on your next-door neighbour as she tops up her tan in the back garden. Or is that just me? We use them all the time when filming The Grand Tour because they are far more versatile and far cheaper than using a helicopter. And yet, even though they are cheap and easy to fly and fun, all we ever hear are horror stories. Every other day, pilots of enormous passenger jets say that while coming in to land they’ve had a near miss with some kind of miniaturised camera platform. Usually, it turns out that what they saw was a carrier bag that had been caught in some thermals. Or a bit of dirt on the windscreen. But even so, many experts claim it’s only a matter of time before there’s a mid-air collision. We’re all supposed to be worried about this but I’m not, because an Airbus A380 weighs around 500 tons and is very sturdy. A drone weighs about six ounces and is flimsier than one of those coat hangers you find in the wardrobe of a budget hotel. Running into such a thing while travelling at 250mph would be a bit like driving your car into a small insect while doing 70 on the motorway. You wouldn’t even notice. “Aha” say the mongers of doom, “but what if it were sucked into one of the engines?” Well, the simple answer to that is: “Nothing”. Rolls-Royce has a so-called chicken gun which fires eight dead chickens into the front of a jet engine and what happens is some red mist and a few feathers come out of the back. Fire a plastic children’s toy in there and you wouldn’t even hear a noise as it was reduced to atoms. Sure, it might be possible for a terrorist to tie a bomb to a drone and detonate it next to an airliner. But the bomb would have to be about the size of a match head. And the drone would have to be capable of doing 250mph. And withstanding the jet wash. And even if all this were possible, airports could combat the problem with a flock of golden eagles which can be trained to snatch a drone from the sky. That would be the sensible option. Which is why, I bet you, the Government announces in the next year or two that drones can only be flown in the UK by licensed professionals. Same as they would have done with cars 100 years ago. If they’d heard of health and bloody safety. Read more at www.thesun.co.uk/news/3062947/jeremy-clarkson-drones-health-and-safety-stop-fun/
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Post by RedMoon11 on Mar 22, 2017 9:36:23 GMT
It’s time to ban the balloons… they’re as dangerous as an AK47 and heroin
Party poopers tell us that if you release the balloons into the heavens, you will definitely kill a horse and possibly a turtleBy Jeremy Clarkson, Sun Columnist 18th March 2017  FIRST of all we were told to stop filling balloons with helium at parties because the world only has a finite supply of this important gas and it’s running out. Then we were told to stop bursting the balloons and inhaling the contents because, after you’d finished talking like Donald Duck, you’d definitely get an infected throat. And now the party poopers tell us that if you release the balloons into the heavens, you will definitely kill a horse. An elderly lady in Yorkshire claims that her thoroughbred panicked after eating the string from a party balloon that had fallen into its field. And that after it had crashed through two gates, it dropped dead. She says that God isn’t sitting in his heaven gathering up all the airborne litter and that instead of releasing balloons at a wedding or a birthday party, it’d be better to “go to church and say a prayer”. Yes, but back in the 21st century we must accept that lots of things make a horse panic — puddles, paper bags, wind, sunshine, vans, bright colours, the smell of cucumber, all noises, fog, mirrors, doorknobs, straw, cows, dogs, very small rocks, gravy, actors . . . the list is endless. If we hadBa to ban all of them to keep the nation’s nags calm, life would be pretty dreary. Amazingly, however, that’s what various groups are actually doing. It is now illegal to release helium balloons on council-owned land in Brighton and Oxford — that’s predictable, both towns are run by weirdos — as well as Plymouth, Worcester and the Shetland Islands. Furthermore, conservationists are calling on balloons to be banned altogether, like heroin and AK47s, because when they fall into the sea they are eaten by turtles. And you know what? With things the way they are these days, they’ll probably get their wish. So there will be no balloons at your children’s birthday party next year. And no cake because that will make them obese. And no entertainer because he will almost certainly be a paedophile. And no games because it’s not fair on those that lose. And no party bags because that’s elitist. And when your son or daughter asks why their party is so dull, and held in a church, with a lot of prayers, and some uncooked organic vegetables, you can tell them it was because of an old lady’s horse. And a turtle. Good luck with that. Give him the WillowsRICHARD HAMMOND sent James May and me an apologetic text on Tuesday, saying he wouldn’t be at work owing to a commitment he couldn’t get out of. It all sounded very sombre and important.  Hammond and a badger from Wind In The Willows who failed to discuss outfitsHere’s a tip though, Richard. When you are skiving off work to go to Cheltenham races, don’t dress up like Badger from Wind In The Willows, because you’re going to get papped and the pictures are going to be published. As indeed they were. Read more at - www.thesun.co.uk/news/3119391/its-time-to-ban-the-balloons-theyre-as-dangerous-as-an-ak47-and-heroin/
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Post by RedMoon11 on Mar 31, 2017 10:41:46 GMT
Do not dignify the Westminster killer by calling him a terrorist… Khalid Masood is a moron
To dub him a terrorist is to award him the badge of honour he well and truly longed for By Jeremy Clarkson, Sun Columnist 24th March 2017  AFTER all the terribleness in London this week, everyone was very insistent that life should go on as normal. We were urged by the Prime Minister, the Mayor and every celebrity with access to social media to do what the British do best — stiffen our lips with a nice cup of tea. And then go back to work. But actually, we did no such thing. Parliament was suspended. Streets were emptied. Newspapers cleared half their pages to tell us what had happened in minute detail, television schedules were changed and roads were closed so we could stage candlelit vigils. Politicians in Scotland were castigated because they didn’t suspend business. A man on the street was lambasted for taking a photograph of himself. And anyone who posted something cheerful and unconnected on Twitter was rounded upon by the mawkish majority. I understand all of this. People had died, horribly. And it’s natural that such an event should grip the capital, the nation and indeed the world. But isn’t it exactly what the man responsible wanted? To die in what he sees as a blaze of glory. And worst of all, we dignify his actions by calling him a terrorist, and a lone wolf. In his world, these are badges of honour. The truth, however, is that he was a halfwit. Some of you will have seen the movie Olympus Has Fallen, in which a gang attacks the White House. They begin by using an AC-130 gunship to rain fire on the roof, before staging a co-ordinated attack using explosives, heavy weapons and a medium-sized army. Whereas the man in London armed himself with a kitchen knife and a grey Hyundai. He drove along a pavement, murdering people, before crashing into the railings and staging his assault on what Theresa May (wrongly) called the oldest parliament in the world. How far did he think he was going to get? Seriously, if I’d been the security man who shot him, I’d have paused first of all and said: “Look, you idiot. I’m going to blow your head off in a minute, but first of all, what was your plan here?” Plainly, he hadn’t got one. So he ran over some innocent people and stabbed a policeman, and as he lay there bleeding to death, he probably thought he’d done enough to earn him his virgins and his eternity of milk and money. In his tiny mind, Khalid Masood reckoned he’d be a hero — the man who brought chaos to London. And who killed the infidel. And we shouldn’t dignify that by calling him a terrorist. We should call him what he is — a moron.We should put up pictures of him on advertising hoardings saying, “Look everyone – it’s the stupidest man who ever lived” followed by “Guess what? He’s now worm food”. We should make him the new Guy Fawkes, and mock him as an imbecile from now till the end of time. Masood should become a by-word in the English language for idiocy. And in a hundred years, school children should still be taught about how he thought he could bring down Britain using nothing more than a South Korean hatchback and a tool used for chopping up carrots. Who knows? If we mock his memory enough, it might make others of his ilk think twice before trying to do the same thing.
Should we be royally worried?FOR many years, Prince Charles has been pulling faces and telling everyone who’ll listen that if we grow genetically modified crops, there will be an environmental disaster and everyone will die in screaming agony. Whereas this week his sister, Princess Anne announced she would be happy to grow GM crops on her farm in Gloucestershire. “To say we mustn’t go there ‘just in case’ probably isn’t a practical argument,” she said. Which makes me wonder about the wisdom of the succession rules in the Royal Family. And whether it would be more sensible to pass the baton down the female line instead of the male. Could this be changed by, say, tomorrow? JUST a couple of weeks ago, I had a go at people who want to ban drones from the nation’s skies. I argued that they can be very useful, a point that was hammered home on a Welsh mountainside this week. A man took his daughter’s dog for a walk and it simply vanished. For five days, he, his family and volunteers from a nearby village searched high and low for the missing pet. Then someone had the bright idea of using a drone fitted with a thermal imaging camera. And 20 minutes later, the dog was found, safe and well. Dog snaps? I've had it pup to hereIF you ever visit Instagram, you will know that it’s mostly a place where people go to post pictures of their dogs.  Someone could spend all day stuck in a waste disposal unit, while being attacked by aliens but what would they upload that night? Yup, a cute pic of their pooch chewing a ball. And on Thursday, it was National Puppy Day which gave everyone even more of an excuse. Well, now listen. It’s just a dog. We’ve all seen one before. So pack it in. And while you’re at it. No more pictures of rainbows either. Because they’re not unusual either. Weekend was jam packedIT was said this week that relying on satnav instructions makes us stupid. Really? I only ask because last weekend, my satnav said that there was traffic ahead and that I should get off the motorway and wiggle around in High Wycombe before re-joining at the next junction. Obviously, because I’m a man, I know best so I ignored it. Soon I ran into the stationary traffic. And I was able to watch the whole of Kingsman on my mobile phone before it began to move. • NEW company is working with easyJet to develop an electric plane which would have the range to get from London to Paris. It all sounds lovely. No noise. No pollution. Just silent cruising in great comfort. But hang on. You’ll still have to check in at the airport two hours before the flight leaves. Then there’ll be the flight time itself. And by the time the plane is ready to enter service, we will have left the EU so you will have to stand in a huge queue for passport control when you get there. So, er, why wouldn’t you use the electric train instead? Over the (lap)topGIVE me strength. Someone has decided that the halfwits in ISIS have now worked out how to fill an iPad or laptop with explosives. Which means, inevitably, that passengers flying to and from the Middle East will no longer be allowed to carry electrical equipment larger than a phone in cabin baggage. So, that’s no toothpaste, no cigarette lighters, no deodorant, no big shoes and, now, no chance to watch a movie to while away the hours. Or catch up with some work. I honestly don’t know why they won’t go the whole hog and force everyone to fly naked. • FOR years, Nasa has been studying subatomic particles that whizz around space at high speed. They were worried that these pesky specks would take a heavy toll on the bodies of astronauts on a long space journey to, say, Mars. All day, super computers and brilliant boffins with slide rules and side partings have been examining tons of data from the International Space Station, wondering what could be done. When out of the blue, a 17-year-old schoolboy from Yorkshire called Miles Soloman got in touch to say “er fellas, your figures are all wrong”. And blow me down, it turned out he was right. The Hamster's a-okayMANY people were concerned by reports that Richard Hammond had suffered terrible injuries in a motorcycle crash while we were filming in Africa recently.  It’s said that in the aftermath of the fall, the crew reacted with “horror”. That’s not how I remember it. In fact, after the incident, one of the cameramen went on his walkie-talkie and said very calmly: “Hammond’s fallen off again.” There was then a pause before someone else said: “Lunch?” www.thesun.co.uk/news/3173185/london-terror-attack-khalid-masood-moron-says-jeremy-clarkson/
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Post by RedMoon11 on Apr 4, 2017 10:53:15 GMT
We’re sick and tyred of the damage caused by potholes… so let’s mend them ourselves
Councils simply can't afford to fix the potholes without cutting other vital services, so should we simply take to DIY repair jobs to save our roads?By Jeremy Clarkson, Columnist 31st March 2017  WHEN it was revealed this week that a local council had been ordered to pay a man £10,000 to repair damage caused to his Ferrari by a pothole, many will have thought he was taking the mickey. Because how in the name of all that’s holy can a small dimple in the road possibly cause damage that costs ten grand to put right? Well let me assure you, it can . . . My colleague, James May, once hit a pothole while driving a Volvo through Tanzania in Africa. It was not particularly deep and he wasn’t going especially fast — as usual — but even so, two expensive low-profile tyres were destroyed. And the impact caused such severe damage to the rear suspension that a few days later, one of the back wheels actually fell off as he was driving along. A year later, I was driving through Argentina in a Porsche 928 when I hit a hole in the road. I was actually going quite quickly at the time and, as a result, the jolt pushed the entire left side of the front suspension out of its mountings and into the car’s complex wiring loom. Which promptly shorted out. I managed, after a day, to get the engine running again but most of the Porsche’s electrical systems were so badly damaged that it would unquestionably have been written off. As it turned out, of course, the car was subsequently confiscated by the Argentinian police after some protesters got it into their heads that the Falkland Islands aren’t actually British. Obviously, with a Ferrari, things are going to be much worse because this is a company that charges customers a fortune for even the simplest things. An iPod lead is £580. A cup holder is £2,112. Yellow stitching on the dashboard is £296 — that’s £296 for some cotton — and a suede-look boot carpet is £1,150. So, obviously, it’s going to cost £10,000 to replace a damaged wheel and a side airbag after you hit a pothole. The big question is: What’s to be done? Councils can’t afford to hand over thousands in compensation every time someone hits a pothole. And nor can they afford to mend them all, either. Seriously, we all hate them but we can’t very well have the council say to Mrs Snoggins: “I’m sorry, love, but we are going to spend all your lunch money on mending that hole in the road so you’ll just have to die.” Happily, I have an idea. Most home improvement stores sell pothole repair kits for about no money at all. So why don’t we all just pick one near where we live and mend it ourselves? AFTER the moron ran amok in London last week, some of the nation’s more hysterical commentators were quick to point out that there are easily accessible websites that demonstrate how a car can be used as a murder weapon. But if you need an internet guide on how to run someone over, you’re even more idiotic than I first thought. IT was announced this week that even though lead was banned from petrol many years ago, people living near motorways are still noticeably less intelligent than people who don’t. Hmmm. I wonder if the researchers have considered the possibility that people who live near motorways were stupid in the first place? FINLAND is already well known for its air guitar world championships and now they’ve started a dressage and showjumping competition for people on hobby horses. Ten thousand people are expected to take part. Well it beats the traditional pastime up there in the frozen north, which is killing yourself.
Nation’s going to the dogsALL over the country, various councils have decided that it’s now illegal to take more than four dogs for a walk at the same time. How can we call this a free country when the local authority has taken interference in our lives to this level. The news is bad enough for me – I have five dogs – but it’s especially gruesome for the nation’s professional dog walkers, who are already faced with big public liability insurance bills. If they have to put up their prices, many people will simply leave their dogs at home while they’re at work, which will cause them to be fat and sad. IT’S been revealed that the people watching BBC1 these days have an average age of 61. This means that half the licence fee payers are coughing up full whack to fund a range of programmes for the other half who either get a discount or don’t pay at all.
Paps got off lightlyNIGELLA LAWSON’S daughter was ticked off by commentators this week after she gave the finger to some paparazzi. Well I’m sorry but who is she? What’s she ever done? Why was anyone taking her photograph? I think it’s fair to say that if a pap ever tried to get a snap of my eldest daughter, he’d have to spend the next few months trying to get the camera out of his bottom. I’VE done a fair bit of reading about the consequences of Brexit and as I see it, roughly half the country – which includes me – think it will be a disaster and the other half think it won’t. Since we have absolutely no idea at present who’s right, because nothing has actually happened, can we all just stop bickering while we wait and see. IF you’re fat but otherwise reasonably healthy – like me – it has been discovered that three ounces of peanuts a day will help prevent a heart attack. Presumably this has something to do with the fact that peanuts – as we all know – are high in fat, laced with salt and as often as not drenched in other people’s urine. A real bones shakerTHIS week, 34 people were arrested in Italy after police uncovered a plot to steal Enzo Ferrari’s remains. This is a worrying new development because it’s very difficult to prevent someone kidnapping you when you are dead. You can’t fight and kick and bite. You can’t call the police. You just have to lie there while they put you in a van. And when you are finally unloaded into a remote basement, there’s literally no chance of escaping. You just have to lie on the floor, hoping your family pays the ransom. And that’s a concern because, will they? Rationally, it would be idiotic to hand over some money to get your grandad’s bones back? Because it’s just his bones and who cares what happens to them? The trouble is we do care. And we would find it distressing if we opened the post one morning to find that the kidnappers had sent us a bit of an ear or a shin. We may not be prepared to pay as much as if he were alive but most of us would certainly pay something. Which means that as far-fetched as it may seem, deadnapping could become the next big thing in the world of crime. Scary. IN a bid to make cricket more exciting, plans are afoot to introduce games that no longer last for five days. Because the players keep stopping to have tea. Hmmm. This, to me, is a bit like trying to make Shakespeare more interesting by launching a Hamlet pop-up picture book. It wouldn’t work because the basis of Shakespeare, like cricket, is inescapably dull. www.thesun.co.uk/news/opinion/3227418/were-sick-and-tyred-of-the-damage-caused-by-potholes-so-lets-mend-them-ourselves/
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Post by RedMoon11 on Apr 12, 2017 11:14:34 GMT
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Post by RedMoon11 on Apr 19, 2017 18:38:41 GMT
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Post by RedMoon11 on Apr 27, 2017 0:52:37 GMT
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Post by RedMoon11 on Apr 29, 2017 18:54:28 GMT
A 107-year-old driver? Might as well be a toddler as more people over the age of 80 die driving than under-19s
Government are right forcing doctors to report OAPs who drive after being banned for medical reasons
By Jeremy Clarkson, Sun Columnist 28th April 2017 EARLIER this week, I pulled up in a narrow street so a little old lady could reverse her battered Peugeot into a parking space. The first attempt didn’t go well so she pulled back into the road and after a lot of graunching from the gearbox, tried again. That didn’t go well either. On what I think was the sixth attempt, she gave it a boot full of revs so that her little car actually mounted the sizeable kerb and shot backwards across the pavement. This made various passing mums very angry so, clearly confused, the old lady shot back into the road doing about 6,000mph. I didn’t witness this particular manoeuvre because I was busy checking up on Instagram. I then looked at my emails and after a little while, had a nap. And when I awoke, she was still at it, lurching backwards and forwards in a hopeless series of attempts to get into a space that was almost exactly twice as long as her car. Eventually, as the queue behind me started to make waves on the national traffic reports, she gave up and bunny-hopped down the road, presumably having figured that Tiddles could do without the cat food she’d gone out to buy. Sometimes though, an old person’s inability to drive a car doesn’t have such a lucky ending. Four million people over 70 hold a licence in the UK and of those, 117 are over 100. The oldest recorded British driver was a staggering 107. And that’s madness because a 107-year-old is no better behind the wheel than a toddler. Not long ago, we read about a 73-year-old man whose glaucoma was so bad he ran over and killed a pedestrian on a zebra crossing. More people over the age of 80 are killed while driving than those under 19. They are particularly at risk on high-speed junctions, roundabouts and on motorway slip roads. Of course, we all know this. Many of us have elderly parents and when we see them climbing into their Honda Jazzes and weaving off down the road to play bingo with Peggy and Ernest, we wince and cross our fingers. What else is there to do? A person who’s been driving since the car was invented is not going to be persuaded that they should pack it in and use the bus instead. And they are especially not going to be persuaded by their own children. Besides, it would be an act of cruelty to take away your mum’s ability to get about. So you just sit there, hoping she doesn’t kill anyone. Happily, help is now at hand because a change in guidelines for doctors means they can now report an elderly person who they think is unfit to be on the road to the DVLA, without letting on to the elderly person concerned. This is unusual in this day and age. An actual sensible move from the Government. I just hope doctors have the time in their busy schedules to actually put it into practice. Who pays the road kill bill?FOR many years, we have been told that Britain’s most dangerous road is the so-called Cat And Fiddle in the Peak District. It’s the final resting place of many hundreds of motorcyclists. This is very sad but a biker knows, when he heads for the Cheshire hills on his eight million horsepower rice rocket, that there’s a good chance he won’t be coming home again. So maybe we should spare a thought for all the muddle-headed creatures out there that don’t . . . Figures just in show that on the A303 near Stonehenge, 120 deer were killed in the past 18 months, along with 101 badgers, 97 foxes and a mixed bag of otters, owls and ferrets. Meanwhile, on the A419 in Wiltshire 151 animals were wasted and on the A35 from Poole in Dorset to Honiton in Devon, another 121 met their end. This is all very interesting – and tragic – but it does beg a question. Who is patrolling the roads every day identifying the corpses of these animals? Plainly, it’s not someone who’s very skilled because I note that one of the animal casualties listed on the M1 was “a wallaby”. But more importantly, why, in these austere times when we can barely afford to fund the NHS, are they bothering? Heard it all beforeWHEN Amber Heard’s “people” asked if she could appear on Top Gear a few years ago, they said she was a pretty lesbian who had a classic Ford Mustang. Keen to have people of all sexual orientations on the show, I agreed and spent many hours researching lesbianism on the internet. When she arrived, her “people” said that actually she was not a lesbian, just a publicity-hungry actress – a point she subsequently proved by marrying Johnny Depp. That didn’t last and she has wound up with Tesla boss and spaceman Elon Musk. I don’t know whether that will work out but I’m willing to bet that if the relationship fizzles out, the next man in her sights won’t be a scaffolder. Caught bang to rides . . .WE read a lot about motorists using a mobile phone while driving and we are told it’s more dangerous than playing pass the parcel in a Damascus post office. But what about cyclists? I watched someone cycle past two policemen this week while checking messages on his phone, and the cops did nothing . . . until a few moments later when he rode slap-bang into a lamp post and fell off. They helped him up as I laughed until my spleen came out. HOMES UNDER THE SHAMMERDEVELOPERS announced this week that they will be selling new houses in North London for as little as £150,000 a go.That sounds incredibly cheap until you see what the houses don’t have.Plaster. Floors. Ceilings. A bathroom. Or walls.Not really a house, is it? Comrade CorbynTHE nation’s communists have decided they quite like the sound of Comrade Corbyn and have announced that in the forthcoming General Election, they will not be opposing his beleaguered Labour Party. In the previous election, when guacamole and prosecco enthusiast Ed Miliband was seeking the keys to No10, the Trade Union And Socialist Coalition fielded 135 candidates and polled 36,327 votes. However, I can’t imagine Mrs May is losing much sleep about all these people suddenly switching to Labour because 36,327 votes amounts to just 0.1 per cent of the nationwide total. And every single candidate lost his or her (or its) deposit. DEAD MAN'S HANDLEAN inquiry into the Croydon tram crash – which killed seven people – has found that if the driver is just dozing, the “dead man’s handle” won’t automatically apply the brakes.He needs to actively die or become unconscious.The makers say this is fine. So that’s OK then. Bull's eyeFOR years, doctors have wondered how best to deliver chemotherapy drugs to women suffering from cancer of the reproductive system. Normal treatment batters the cancer cells but does untold damage to healthy cells as well. And often, the body rejects anything it calculates to be a foreign body. Well, now German boffins have come up with a brilliant idea. They load the necessary drugs into a bull’s sperm which is fitted with a dab of metal then released into the girl thingy. Because it is sperm, the female body accepts it as a normal visitor and does not fight it. And because it is fitted with a dab of metal, doctors can steer it using magnets towards the tumour it needs to invade so the science can go to work. Tests to date have been encouraging. The cancer in many cases is killed off. But we haven’t been told how many women so far have given birth nine months later to a cow. www.thesun.co.uk/news/3440056/jeremy-clarkson-more-people-over-the-age-of-80-die-driving-than-under-19s/
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Post by RedMoon11 on May 6, 2017 6:18:08 GMT
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Post by RedMoon11 on May 24, 2017 8:06:57 GMT
It may seem far-fetched, but hackers will soon turn the world into a frozen Cyberia… just for kicks
What would you do if you lost all your data?By Jeremy Clarkson 20th May 2017 IT seems the computer hackers who crippled the NHS with so-called “ransomware” and shut down the systems at Nissan’s factory in the North East have so far netted less than £25,000 from the attack.You’d get more from robbing parking meters.  It goes to show that crime doesn’t pay. Well, not very well. It’s the same story with the signal jammers thieves are using to break into cars. We learned from The Sun this week that gangs are using these tricky devices to stop unsuspecting drivers locking their vehicles. They then steal your sunglasses to sell at the market for £1.75. But just because the rewards are small, we can’t all sit back and relax. Because one day a spotty youth who spends all day eating pizza in his mum’s loft will figure out a way of stopping the world. And he’ll do it, for kicks. I currently have £275 in my bank account. (I wish I was joking.) I know this because a computer says so. But what if the computer’s memory were to be erased? It’s the same story with your house. The only way you can demonstrate it’s yours is by pointing at a computer screen. But what if the computer screen just sat there, gormlessly winking its cursor at you? Mortgages. Pensions. Everything. It’s all stored electronically and there would be Armageddon if someone deleted the lot. It sounds far-fetched. But I spoke recently with the head of cyber security at a major American corporation and he said: “If you gave me an aerial and a laptop, I could kill every diabetic in the world in 20 minutes.” He claimed the digital system that provides patients with a smooth flow of insulin through the day is dangerously at risk to hackers. So what about people with pacemakers? “I wouldn’t need the aerial,” he said. And it gets worse. “It’d be easy to piggy-back digital traffic reports that flow into a car’s satnav system and take control of the steering, brakes and engine,” he said. So you’d be sitting there, trundling along the M1, when the spotty pizza youth decides he’d like to drive for a while. And steers you into a bridge parapet at 100mph. Naturally, most companies take steps to keep the hackers at bay. But they are attacked thousands of times a day and they have to win all the time. The hackers only have to win once. Cannes they be serious?SO, who won the Best Actress award at this year’s TV Baftas? Come on. It was only the other day. You must remember? No? Me neither. This is because the girl who grabbed all the headlines was Poldark’s Eleanor Tomlinson, who turned up to the awards with most of her breasts on display. It’s much the same story at the Cannes Film Festival, where House of Cards’ Robin Wright turned up to make lots of important points about the casting couch and equal pay. But coverage of the event was dominated by girls, whose names you could only remember if your family were being held hostage and their lives depended on it, having “wardrobe malfunctions” on the red carpet. They’re not malfunctions. All the underboob and nip-slip action is designed to get them an invite to the biggest yacht and through the door of the flashiest party. Which is fine, if you’re that way inclined. But the drawback is that it sets the cause of feminism back to the days of the Carry On films. WE’VE been told for some time that Netflix is the biggest online supplier of TV and movies. But figures just out have revealed that the world’s most-watched show in the new world of “narrow-casting” is in fact on Amazon Prime. Modesty prevents me from telling you what it is. Read more at - www.thesun.co.uk/news/3606763/it-may-seem-far-fetched-but-hackers-will-soon-turn-the-world-into-a-frozen-cyberia-just-for-kicks/
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Post by RedMoon11 on May 30, 2017 11:37:19 GMT
James Bond should be true to the man who made him what he is today — and that’s Sir Roger Moore
James Bond has been missing laughs, sex appeal and humour
By Jeremy Clarkson, Sun columnist 26th May 2017  Sir Roger Moore pictured with a bevy of beautiful ladies in the hit James Bond film Moonraker AFTER Roger Moore’s long and successful career on television and in movies you might have expected someone to say after he died this week that “he was a great actor”. But no one has. Because — and he’d be the first to admit this — he wasn’t. When he was cast as Ivanhoe, he looked at the character and obviously thought: “Hmm. I think it’d be best if I played him as me.” Later, when he was cast as The Saint, he decided that having played himself so successfully as Ivanhoe, he should do it again. So he did. And then he did it again in The Persuaders! and again as Bond. In The Wild Geese, he was supposed to be a tough mercenary. But he wasn’t. He was Roger Moore. If you’d cast Roger Moore as an alien, he would still have looked, sounded and walked just like Roger Moore. As Roger himself said, acting means “getting up early, saying your lines and not tripping over the furniture”. And yet despite the fact he was nothing more than a life-support system for his eyebrows — both of which did a lot of acting — he was my favourite Bond. If you actually look back at the 007 movies when Rog was in the hotseat, they were shocking. Audiences were expected to believe that a former knitwear model could take out a burly villain with a single karate chop, and convince bad guys to change their plans with nothing more than a raised eyebrow. And that’s before we get to his love scenes. He’d ask a girl to go to bed. She’d say no. So he’d raise an eyebrow and go ahead anyway. Today he’d be called a rapist. And yet because he was Roger Moore, it all seemed to be fine. Funny, even. That’s what’s been missing from Bond in recent years. The laughs. If I want a spy with no sense of humour, I’ll watch a Jason Bourne film, or a re-run of Jack Bauer in 24. Funny, isn’t it, how all spies have the same initials? I want Bond to make me giggle. I want him to pause as he dashes from a hotel room, to eat a grape. And I want him to say, as he prepares to seduce another Soviet beauty: “I’m keeping the British end up.” I sit these days watching Daniel Craig wrestling with his inner demons, as he necks another slug of Scotch, and I can’t helping thinking: “Oh for God’s sake, man, do some light eyebrow work and then say something daft. “Oh, and while you’re at it, lose the stupid Tom Ford suits and get yourself a nice safari jacket.” We’re told that Bond should be true to the books. But that’s nonsense. No one’s ever read one. Bond should be true to the man who actually made him what he is today. And that was Roger Moore. Tonight, as a tribute, I’m going to watch For Your Eyes Only, which is my favourite 007 movie. And I’m going to pay particular attention to the scene when Roger finally gets into Carole Bouquet’s knickers. He’s got one eyebrow slightly raised, naturally, and you can see in his eyes what he’s saying. It’s supposed to be: “Sleeping with this girl will help me track down the missing hardware.” But what you can see, plain as day, is that actually he’s saying: “I’m being paid tons of money to snog this girl. How lucky am I!” Read more at - www.thesun.co.uk/news/3660677/jeremy-clarkson-james-bond-should-be-true-to-the-man-who-made-him-what-he-is-today-and-thats-sir-roger-moore/
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Post by RedMoon11 on Jun 3, 2017 3:59:56 GMT
If Trump’s exit from the Paris Agreement means climate is really in danger, let’s go back to the Middle AgesThe Paris Agreement was like trying to mend a terminal cancer patient by giving them a very expensive pedicure By Jeremy Clarkson, Sun Columnist 3rd June 2017 THE way the BBC broke the news that Donald Trump was to pull America out of the international Paris Agreement on climate change, you’d have thought a giant asteroid was on its way. You know that scene in Armageddon when everyone in the world finds out they only have days to live. Lots of sobbing and swelling music and families hugging each other. It was that. With knobs on. They reported on the global reaction, quoting left-wing poets from East London and the presidents of those Pacific islands where you need wellies every time the tide comes in. There were pictures of N’boto, standing around his well in Africa, saying that because of Mr Trump his goat would soon die of starvation. And then he would have nothing. And for balance, they gave us the views of a spokesman for America’s coal industry. “Hahahaha. We’re going to make loads of money and you’re all going to die,” he said, while stroking a white cat. The message was pretty clear. If America was going to be free to produce as much carbon dioxide as it likes, we will end up hoping the ice caps melt so we can drown. Because at least that way, we won’t be on fire any more. Well, I hope you don’t mind but once again I’m going to be the still, small voice of calm and reason. The Paris Agreement on climate change was useless. Most of the countries that signed it said they didn’t need to make any changes at all, and the big polluters including China and Russia and America said they’d try to be better in future. But only if there were no punishments at all if they failed. As a result of this, Australia went home and introduced an anti-pollution scheme which they knew full well would allow the mining industry to carry on as before. Obama Barrack said after signing the agreement that even if all the countries did everything they had promised, it still wouldn’t be enough to save the world. So the truth is, America pulling out — in three years’ time — will make absolutely no difference at all. There are only two solutions. We either accept that the world is heating up on its own, which it’s prone to do from time to time, in which case we must set to work making air conditioning units and deodorant. Or we decide that we are causing the climate change, in which case we must stop, immediately, using patio heaters, soap, shampoo, hot water, central heating, cars, buses, trains, planes and anything made from plastic. You can forget about having to pay a bit more for your trainers or mobile phone. We have to go way further than that. We must live in houses made from soil, travel only on donkeys, die when we get any form of illness, go to bed when it’s dark, get up when it’s light and generally live like a 14th Century peasant. If man really is screwing up the planet, THAT is the only solution. Paris? That was like trying to mend a terminal cancer patient by giving them a very expensive pedicure. Read more at - www.thesun.co.uk/news/3711911/jeremy-clarkson-if-trumps-exit-from-the-paris-agreement-means-climate-is-really-in-danger-lets-go-back-to-the-middle-ages/
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Post by RedMoon11 on Jun 17, 2017 4:08:36 GMT
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Post by RedMoon11 on Jun 24, 2017 4:08:21 GMT
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Post by RedMoon11 on Jul 8, 2017 12:43:05 GMT
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Post by RedMoon11 on Jul 11, 2017 8:42:57 GMT
Volvo going electric will have the same effect as Mrs Miggins turning down the heating in her front room
AT the moment the world’s power stations are barely producing enough juice to keep our phones and our laptops working
By Jeremy Clarkson, Sun Columnist 7th July 2017  VOLVO announced this week that within two years, every car it makes would be fitted with an electric motor. This was immediately leaped upon by absolutely everyone as the beginning of the end for the petrol engine. And that’s seen as a good thing. No more smog, no more asthma, no more noise pollution and birds that became extinct in Britain hundreds of years ago would return to frolic once more in our garden ponds. Yeah, well I’m sorry to relieve myself over your carbon neutral, sustainable vision of what’s round the corner. But here it comes anyway . . . First of all, it’s Volvo we are talking about here. And Volvo is a motoring minnow. They made around 450,000 cars last year. And to put that in perspective, Ford on its own made more than six million. Toyota, meanwhile, made ten million. So did Volkswagen. So Volvo announcing that it’s going all electric is going to have the same effect on the world’s carbon emissions as Mrs Miggins turning the thermostat down in her front room. And that brings me on to the next thing. Volvo is NOT going all electric. Electric cars don’t really work as everyday tools because they run out of juice after 100 or so miles. And it takes hours and hours to charge them up again. As a result, most of the cars Volvo makes will be hybrids, and they have petrol engines to keep the electric motors working. They also have batteries. And there’s another problem, because at the moment there aren’t enough lithium ion cells in the world to keep even the Tesla production lines rolling at full speed. Obviously it’s possible to make more and that will happen. But how will these batteries be charged? At the moment the world’s power stations are barely producing enough juice to keep our phones and our laptops working. When we ask Drax B to charge our cars as well, it will emit a final Thomas the Tank Engine steamy sigh and expire. And we can’t produce more power because every time anyone suggests a new nuclear facility, half the world turns up at the site and points at all the newts and grasshoppers and bats that will have to be rehoused. You could get round that issue by developing hydrogen fuel cells but everyone I speak to goes white at the thought of running a car full of gas because when the world was in black and white, an airship once blew up. I try explaining that petrol is also explosive but it makes no difference. So I am sorry to draw a big brown smear over your Teletubbies vision of the future but the internal combustion engine is not going anywhere. It remains the cleanest, best and most efficient way of moving people around and there is nothing realistic on the horizon that will change that. Read more at - www.thesun.co.uk/news/3972598/volvo-going-electric-will-have-the-same-effect-as-mrs-miggins-turning-down-the-heating-in-her-front-room/
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Post by RedMoon11 on Jul 25, 2017 6:23:11 GMT
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Post by RedMoon11 on Jul 25, 2017 6:26:01 GMT
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Post by RedMoon11 on Aug 12, 2017 7:33:46 GMT
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Post by RedMoon11 on Aug 26, 2017 6:31:45 GMT
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Post by RedMoon11 on Sept 3, 2017 12:12:58 GMT
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Post by RedMoon11 on Sept 9, 2017 7:31:52 GMT
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Post by RedMoon11 on Sept 23, 2017 17:20:31 GMT
I licked half a sleeping pill and was a zombie, imagine what the 1 in 10 adults who take them every night must be likeColumnist Jeremy Clarkson warns about the dangerous reliance of sleeping pills after being knocked for six without even taking a full one. By Jeremy Clarkson, Sun Columnist 15th September 2017 IT’S been a busy week. I was up at five in the morning on Tuesday for an early morning flight to New York, where I started filming as soon as the plane landed. After a quick bite to eat, I went to bed and woke at three in the morning with jet lag. So I wrote some scripts until eight and then drove, at high speed, and with the cameras turning constantly, to Toronto in Canada to catch a plane home. I don’t mind admitting that as I reached the airport, I was knackered. My lungs hurt. My buttocks were broken and because the car I’d driven non-stop for nine hours was louder than The Who in their glory days, I was stone deaf. Knowing that this might happen, a friend had given me a sleeping pill before I set off. Now, I don’t like sleeping pills. The first time I took one, I woke up in Sharjah and had to look on an atlas to see where it was. And the second time I slept for about three days, and afterwards, drove so dreamily that on the Hammersmith roundabout 16 people honked their horns at me. I vowed there and then I’d never take another. But when I boarded in Toronto and discovered that, as usual, it was hotter than the inside of a furnace, I knew I’d have to give in. Being mindful of the fact that I would have to go to work after landing in Heathrow, I broke it in half and licked it gently a couple of times and . . . Next thing I knew the stewardess was saying that British Airways was not like the Circle Line and I couldn’t just sit there until my stop came round again. So I lurched through the airport, got lost, went up and down in a lift a few times, took an unnecessary train to a random terminal and then had an argument with a passport machine. Which turned out to be an ATM. I was driven into London, where I sat at the wrong desk and wrote a long and very boring review of a car I haven’t driven for Top Gear magazine, which sacked me more than a year ago. For lunch, I had an apple, on to which I squirted a hefty dollop of ketchup and then I went outside for a cigarette, forgetting that I’d given up. And that I didn’t have any. I then went through my emails and accepted three different invitations to parties that are all happening this evening. And now I can’t remember where any of them are. And do you know what’s scary about this? I’d only licked half a pill, whereas one in ten adults in Britain are taking a whole sleeping pill EVERY NIGHT. Which explains why only 75 per cent of the country’s adults are in full-time work, despite the booming economy. Most of the rest are sitting in front of their washing machines all day, wondering why Pointless hasn’t come on yet www.thesun.co.uk/news/4476087/jeremy-clarkson-sleeping-pills-zombie-addicted-adults/
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Post by RedMoon11 on Sept 23, 2017 17:28:19 GMT
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Post by RedMoon11 on Oct 6, 2017 19:44:04 GMT
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Post by RedMoon11 on Oct 10, 2017 6:05:19 GMT
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Post by RedMoon11 on Oct 31, 2017 6:30:20 GMT
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