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Post by inky on Jul 6, 2008 14:54:31 GMT
Me too glam, though I suspect Mr Clarkson enjoys the abuse  I'll volunteer to abuse Mr Clarkson any time he likes  ;D |
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Post by lew on Jul 6, 2008 14:57:29 GMT
On the 16th you can abuse him as much as you like ;D he'll love it  |
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Post by inky on Jul 6, 2008 16:18:54 GMT
On the 16th you can abuse him as much as you like ;D he like it the more abuse the better ;D Roll on the 16th  |
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Post by glam on Jul 9, 2008 9:44:01 GMT
I was forwarded this bit of nationalism by email today and thought it linked in with the topic The average Englishman in the home he calls his castle, slips into hs national costume - a shabby raincoat - patented by Chemist Charles Macintosh from Glasgow, Scotland. En route to his office he strides along the English lane, surfaced by John Macadam of Ayr, Scotland. He drives an English car fitted with tyres invented by John Boyd Dunlop, Veterinary Surgeon of Dreghorn, Scotland. At the office he receives the mail bearing adhesive stamps invented by John Chalmers, Bookseller and Printer of Dundee, Scotland. During the day he uses the telephone invented by Alexander Graham Bell, born in Edinburgh, Scotland. At home in the evening his daughter pedals her bicycle invented by Kirkpatrick Macmillan, Blacksmith of Thronhill, Dunfriesshire, Scotland. He watches the news on T.V an invention of John Logie Baird of Helensburgh, Scotland and hears about the U.S. Navy founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean, Scotland. Nowhere can an Englishman turn to escape the ingenuity of the Scots. He has now been reminded too much of Scotland and in desperation he picks up the Bible, only to find that the first man mentioned in the good book is a Scot - King James VI - who authorised its translation. He could take to drink but the Scots make the best in the world. He could take a rifle and end it all but the breech-loading rifle was invented by Captain Patrick Ferguson of Pitfours, Scotland. If he escaped death, he could find himself on an operating table injected with Penicillin. discovered bt Sir Alexander Fleming of Darvel, Scotland and given Chloroform, an anaesthetic discovered by Sir James Young Simpson, Obstetrician and Gynaecologist of Bathgate, Scotland. Out of the anaesthetic he would find no comfort in learning that he was as safe as the Bank Of England founded by William Paterson of Dumfries, Scotland. Being Scottish is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or ,a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. And the most Scottish thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign! Only in Scotland can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in Scotland do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in Scotland do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke. Only in Scotland do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters. Only in Scotland do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage. Only in Scotland do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. Only in Scotland are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink. NOT TO MENTION.. 3 Scots die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue. 142 Scots were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts. 58 Scots are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers. 31 Scots have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in. 19 Scots have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate. Scottish Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents. 18 Scots had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth. A massive 543 Scots were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth. 5 Scots were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars. and finally... In 2000 eight Scots were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet. |
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Post by Eclair on Jul 9, 2008 9:51:51 GMT
LOL! Those are impressive statistics... ;D
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Post by glam on Jul 9, 2008 9:57:15 GMT
 well I didn't claim we were all genius's |
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Post by lymaze on Jul 9, 2008 12:58:54 GMT
But they're impressive Glam. He's naughty though - he winds everyone up and then sits back as people hurl abuse at one another. Bad boy Jezza. |
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Post by lymaze on Jul 12, 2008 21:40:57 GMT
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Post by inky on Jul 12, 2008 21:54:01 GMT
Only Jeremy could put it so concisely |
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Post by lymaze on Jul 12, 2008 21:56:20 GMT
It's only a matter of time before there's a huge revolution against all this namby pamby yoghurt weaving goody two shoes rubbish. I for one shall be knocking things over in the supermarket and I may even put some carrots in with the oranges. ;D  |
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Post by stigalicious on Jul 12, 2008 22:37:04 GMT
Oh dear, that lad does make me laugh! Spot on Jezza!
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Post by lymaze on Jul 20, 2008 7:54:38 GMT
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Post by lymaze on Jul 26, 2008 21:26:36 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2008 21:50:40 GMT
LOL he's going annoy some people with that column. I love the fact he even referenced Joyce Grenfell ;D |
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Post by Wyvern on Jul 26, 2008 22:17:46 GMT
That was a fantastic column! I've actually tried to eradicate as much of my own regional accent as possible and although I'm still very definitely Westcountry, I don't think people fear I will tie them to tables and do unspeakable things involving goats. The reason for this is that, put simply, the broad Bristol accent makes me sound as thick as pig muck. Fortunately, I never had a particularly strong one to begin with. Neither do my parents, though goodness knows where my sister's came from... and she left Bristol when she was 12! Still, I bet the same linguist that pinned Jezza to Doncaster with a single word would still easily place me. It's all in the way I pronounce my 'r's, apparently... As for annoying people with that column, it's OK; if their accents are that broad, nobody will be able to understand the complaints anyway |
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Post by lymaze on Aug 2, 2008 20:15:14 GMT
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Post by maureen on Aug 3, 2008 9:32:39 GMT
I just finished reading that one. Very very interesting. |
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Post by maureen on Aug 3, 2008 10:05:56 GMT
I know this is old, but I had to read it and now I have to say. I remember seeing some of those toilets in Naha. I was too afraid to push any of the buttons. However, in northern Japanese restaurants in the winter, the heated seats were nice. Most of the time, if you used a public bathroom (especially in a park), all you got was a hole in the ground that you have to squat over. ;D Look for a W (washiki or western toilet) on the bathroom stall if you'd rather not squat over a hole in the ground. In the houses we've lived in there, you get a normal toilet, thankfully. I would've loved to have the seat heated where I lived in Amore Prefecture, especially in the middle of winter, in the wee hours of the night. Never nice. Here is an example of one of those holes in the ground, or as the Japanese call them, Tashiki.  |
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Post by lymaze on Sept 13, 2008 20:16:32 GMT
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Post by lew on Sept 13, 2008 21:23:07 GMT
Sorry never noticed that loo before  .....oh he's back, just say it how it is jezza ;D |
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Post by clementine on Sept 13, 2008 21:43:57 GMT
Who is Shannon Matthews?
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Post by lew on Sept 13, 2008 21:59:25 GMT
clem a rather distressing case in the UK........Shannon Matthews was missing for ages....if you lived in this country you'd have thought the worse  it transpires that her mother had colluded or arranged the whole thing with a boyfriend....Shannon was found alive, hidden, and her mother arrested. Still on going case |
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Post by inky on Sept 13, 2008 22:00:52 GMT
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Post by Wyvern on Sept 13, 2008 22:11:32 GMT
Did I ever mention that I love our Jezza? Another brilliant, and very thought provoking, column. I remember when Blue Peter did their Cambodia appeal but you never hear about what's happening there now (apart from the damage time and tourism is doing to Angkor Wat). I actually do want to go to Cambodia, and have done for many years, but I'm afraid if I went there, I'd end up wanting to actually *do* something and end up feeling powerless |
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Post by nobody on Sept 13, 2008 22:19:18 GMT
I must admit i am reluctant to donate to big charity's because how much they spend on admin.
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Post by lew on Sept 13, 2008 22:26:16 GMT
Funny I was talking about this today nobody. |
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Post by nobody on Sept 13, 2008 22:32:08 GMT
I just don't get why there officers have to be in London i bet they could do the same job from cheaper offices around the country.
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Post by lindenchase on Sept 14, 2008 9:47:35 GMT
I actually do want to go to Cambodia, and have done for many years, but I'm afraid if I went there, I'd end up wanting to actually *do* something and end up feeling powerless I've been to Cambodia, it's an amazing country and you should really go there if you have the opportunity. I have been to other countries as well that are far less well off then we are. It can be very confrontating, but the wisest thing to do in my opinion is not to give to beggars, especially not to children. Their parents will keep them away from school if begging turns out to be lucrative. When I had been in a place for a few days, I always tried to find a local school, medical post or such and donate some money to them. |
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Post by stigalicious on Sept 14, 2008 10:58:48 GMT
Blimey, Jezza isnt just back. Hes baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!
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Post by lymaze on Sept 20, 2008 20:56:34 GMT
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;D
I held you, you felt me, I touched you, you kissed me.......
well I didn't claim we were all genius's
;D ) 
I hope the Daily Mirror is done for tresspass. 
Maybe we should all go on holiday to Cambodia from now on and then they'd get more money. 
.....oh he's back, just say it how it is jezza ;D
